| "Passionate Inferno: Relationships of Love." presented by Dr. Jane Goldberg, April 26, 2002 Reviewed by Adam Shechter In the introductory portion of her seminar, Jane Goldberg reviewed basic brain neurology. The developing infant's neurons fire randomly, more than during any other life period, reactively forming patterns in synchronicity with reinforcing parental attention. I cannot help but think that her lecture accomplished a return to this original consciousness. The traditional neural firing patterns, i.e., perceptions of human emotional culture, as currently and historically seated, were tastefully and brilliantly un- and re-connected. Jane Goldberg gave narrative shape and defining language to an unprecedented configurative region of the psychoanalytic unconscious. In a seamless articulation, the intimacy of the personal word and the incisiveness of the academic word were unified in a singular nurturing expression. Scaling this complex tower of words, Goldberg shared the psychic experience of her daughter Molly, who once categorized the world of creatures between those who bite and those who lick, cogently reifying the elusive defense of splitting through the actuality of her child. Goldberg recounted a vacation with Molly, during which they lovingly interacted with an esoteric small creature. After travelling back to their hotel with this small creature in the stroller, Molly plucked the creature from its throne and proceeded to crush the life from it with her foot. Again Goldberg vivified the humaness of murder in the purity of the child; this action was framed within the enraging difficulties of separation. After centuries of no love, and then centuries of idealized romantic love, we are now in a position to look more closely at the honest constituents of our actual loving. We toured the biblical story of Cain, who was understood to have committed the first murder and founded human civilization. At the same time we were reminded that Freud deemed the man who first flung an insult at his enemy, instead of a spear, to be the founder of civilization. The statistics of domestic violence were reviewed, illuminating that safety from destructive hate is still not found in the mythical loving home. Humans do hate one another, and in place of the spear, we can constructively and verbally express this "destructive" emotion to those who are significant in our lives. Goldberg pointed out that the wish to alter our significant others, in whatever way, is essentially a metaphorical murder. She also unraveled a multitude of emotional and physiological truths behind the romantic façade, e.g., falling in love is governed by a time-limited biochemical reality. Moving through these salient tunnels of normally unspoken thought and feeling, Goldberg constructed a full matrix of the various libidinal and social ties humans engage, and the role of aggression in those ties. Not dissimilar to the patient on the couch, Goldberg was theoretician at the podium, articulating a phylogenetic form of Saying Everything. The fundamental presence of hate in loving relationships was, I gather, the thematic essence of her lecture. Goldberg delicately offered us a peek behind what might be called a false ideology of love, cleansing shame from hate, that all too misunderstood and powerful human emotion. Though such difficult and "unpleasant" ground was traversed, the mood in the seminar room was not morbid, nor somber, but in fact loving! Her words resonated with a deep hum across the emotional spectrum and allowed for joyous release through laughter. As separation was a central theme of her talk, admittedly, the conclusion was painful. Though now, an emotion, which I have additional neural connections to better understand. I look forward as I believe many others do, to her return. (From Amazon.com) 5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful and refreshingly bold., December 11, 2007 By ghostrider (United States) I read this book after reading Brigid Brophy's, "Black Ship to Hell," and was well rewarded with finding that Jane Goldberg had tackled the Eros/Thanatos connection with a bold re-estimation of the function of "negative" emotions and how they are not only beneficial, but also, necessary to our individual identity. While another reviewer labels her as Freudian, it should be remembered that Freud is the father of modern psychology and his theories have initiated a deeper understanding of human nature. It could even be said that Freud and Jung (who originally studied under Freud) say the same thing, just in a different way. Erik Erikson, who is popular among many is also "Freudian," and devotedly so. What I liked most about, "The Dark Side of Love," was that the author provides concrete examples and explanations without over-generalizing the concepts and ideas into aphorisms, and even debunks some of the aphorisms used by therapists to manipulate their patients. The authors "evolutionary" description of the psyche and her committment to the individual self is progressive when compared to those beliefs and "truths" that attempt to subjugate the individual and pressure surrender to "the good of the many," or expound mystical self-annhilation under religious tenets. All-in-all, I would recommend this book to anyone who is genuinely interested in self-improvement, and is looking to evolve beyond the ordinary. 4.0 out of 5 stars A Limited, but Quite Valuable, Look at Why We get so Messed Up, August 13, 2005 By Julia Houston (New Orleans) Jane Goldberg is a Freudian through-and-through, and so has a tendency to say that such-and-such is "always" caused by this, or "always" a sign of that. But she's a fun Freudian, going through the tales of Oedepus and Narcissus with a surprisingly relevant take, and skillfully folding in references to Shakespeare and the like. Her basic premise is that we don't learn how to deal with hate and anger as children, being told instead that "hate is a four-letter word" and "if you don't have something nice to say..." For a society that's long recognized that children who don't learn about love grow up to be adults who don't know how to love, we're very slow (which is why the book is still so relevant even though it was published in 1993) to see that the same is true about hate. Hate (rage, irritation, jealousy, aggression) is a powerful emotional that deserves recognition and respect. Goldberg argues compellingly for a change in our approach to anger "management." The prose is, unfortunately, highly repetitive, but you get used to it. It's still a useful and intelligent read. I particularly recommend it for people who are still new to self-analysis. REVIEW For me this book helped me see beyond the Hollywood vision of relationships. It gave me a framework for understanding them as they really are; lots of hard work and occasional pain. 5.0 out of 5 stars One of the BEST books I have EVER read. Most recommended., April 17, 1999 By A Customer A remarkably well-written book - a MUST for everyone's library. It is a book about all of us, and on how to understand and manage *love* - this most important aspect of each of our lives. It is a more than worthy successor to such classics as Erich Fromm's "The Art of Loving," Thomas Harris's "I'm OK, You're OK," and M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled." If you should have the even the *slightest* reason to do so, I would strongly urge you to *read* this book! William Antonio Boyle, 17 April 1999. |
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